Why do we surrender when we get to the end of our rope instead of at the beginning? You would think God would get tired of us not trusting him...thank God he does not. This last year has been full of ups and downs and testing. I know I failed some of those tests but one thing is for sure, I passed a few also and God is still faithful. After 16 months of trying to conceive, (and me finally surrendering to God on this subject)...he blessed us with the best gift I could have asked for...another baby!!! We are now expecting our 2nd child and we are thrilled.
Sometimes I think God tests us to see if we will still be faithful even if he does not give us what we ask for right away. I had been praying for another baby for about 2 years and I had prayed about whether it was even God's will for us to have more than one child since I suffer with fertility issues. God reminded me that in spite of me being diagnosed with PCOS and in spite of the doctor telling me that I would never conceive without the help of hormones and fertility, He is faithful and can do whatever He chooses, He works miracles, heals the sick, makes the barren fruitful and is a mighty God.
The conversation went a bit like this...God, I know what you are capable of, I believe that you can bless us with another baby so I will not take hormones or fertility but I will trust you instead and if you don't want us to have more children then I will pour everything I have into the beautiful healthy little girl you have already blessed us with and I will be perfectly happy.
Mind you...I cried, I prayed...you name it before I surrendered, but, let me tell you, once I finally did, I felt like a million pounds had been lifted from my shoulders. I stopped crying about it and smiled instead when I saw my daughter playing and growing and thriving and I realized that what I had already been blessed with was more than I could ever hope for, she was a miracle to us.
God kept me busy for the next few months and used our daughter to help shape our souls in the meantime and then he used her to deliver the wonderful message to us too. One day, we were sitting, cuddling on the couch and she looked up at me and said "Mommy, you have a baby in your belly". I laughed and said sweetly to her, "no baby, I don't". I shrugged it off and went about my day. Little did I know that she was right. We would find out 2 weeks later that I was indeed pregnant and I was speechless!!!
I am now 22 weeks and can not believe that my pregnancy is already halfway over. I love being pregnant and I love that God trusts me enough to help him bring another life into this world even though I did not trust him enough to believe he would bless us again. I am so glad that God is merciful and does not always give us what we deserve...aren't you?? So for us, this new year will bring a new baby and lots of wonderful memories and new experiences. We can't wait to meet this new little person God is sending to us.
May you all have a blessed 2013.